Choose Your Own Path
We’re all born into this life clueless and without direction. If we’re fortunate enough, more experienced humans are holding our hand and leading the way. It’s all fun and games until the day society tells us we’re adults and need to participate in the game called Life.
Similar to the board game, many of us follow the track to choose a career, find a spouse, buy a house, have children, and then retire. But unlike the board game, the direction you go is not, or at least should not, be up to chance. Still, there’s only so much of life you can control. The circumstances you’re born into are not one of them. The early childhood that shapes who you are is determined entirely by luck. You’ll follow the lead of the adults in your life, like your parents, older siblings, and mentors. Inadvertently, you’ll be lulled into taking the familiar and trodden path - one handed to you by chance.
At least, that’s what happened to me. I’ve finally broken out of that trance, but my awakening hasn’t been any easier. I’m experiencing conflict about straying from the path laid ahead for me. I feel guilty for “wasting my time” when considering a change of direction. I’m still scared about venturing into the unknown.
How do I deal with this predicament? Like with anything, I wonder if the answer is reframing. What mindsets and assumptions am I telling myself that aren’t true? Can they be validated or challenged? What’s really holding me back?
Guilt for Changing Directions
As I contemplate a career change, the biggest thing I’m struggling with is feeling like the time and effort I previously invested were a waste. It tempts me to stay the course. Logically, this doesn’t make sense. In a world so vast, the possibilities are endless. It’s impossible to know if the path you initially chose will be your “end game.”
However, the surest way to get nowhere is to do nothing. Sitting around contemplating options and potential paths can only get you so far. We grow and learn what we like and dislike through trial and error. Unlike tasting food, career paths and hobbies require time and effort to understand the nuances to decide if they fit your palette.
This reminds me of a piece of advice Ali Abdaal mentioned,
“Just pick something and start moving towards it. It’s much easier to change direction when you’re moving forward rather than when you’re stationary.”
With all that said, if you come to a point in your life when you start getting a nagging feeling about the path ahead or the spark that once was has faded, take a moment of reflection:
- What initially drew me to this path? Has that goal or perspective changed?
- What aspects do I enjoy? What aspects do I dislike? Why?
- If I continue down this trajectory, will I be unhappy? Would I be happier doing something else?
For me, these are the questions that give me peace of mind and permission to pivot. What about you?
Comfort in Legacy
When you don’t know where to go, it’s comforting to follow in the footsteps of others. The path is clear and proximity near. “My friend took this track and found success, so that’s the surefire way for me, too.” But similar to advice from other people, another person’s perspective, and therefore reality, is not the same as yours. You are not a replica of anyone else. The path that best fits your personality, interests, and skills will be unique to you.
When we are young, it makes sense to weigh advice more heavily when received from those who are older than you. You don’t have much, if any, experience to draw wisdom from! But as you start to venture on your own, learn to trust your feelings. You know yourself better than others think they know you. Ask yourself:
- Is this the path I want to be on? Why or why not?
- Am I on this path because I actually enjoy it or because of something else?
- Realism aside, what would my ideal path look like?
Everything you take for granted today once didn’t exist. The path your seniors beckoned you towards was once the unbeaten trail. Forge your own path. What trail will you leave behind?
Fear of the Unknown
New and unknown is scary. Until this point in my life, I followed in the footsteps of other successful people and always said yes to the first available opportunity. All to minimize uncertainty. But it trapped me in a role I didn’t enjoy and my trajectory was misery.
Recently, I met someone who hated every second of their job. Despite that, he refused to leave because he knew the operations inside and out. While this sounds sad, I’ve done the same thing. My M.O. was to calculate every decision and plan whenever I could. My mind goes blank when the future is unknown. It’s more comfortable to go down the same path I’ve always gone. But I don’t want that for myself anymore. I want to choose happiness… even if that means uncertainty.
How do you overcome the fear of the unknown? Reframe your thoughts. There was a quote in James Clear’s recent newsletter that I think is very fitting:
“I think about decisions in three ways: hats, haircuts, and tattoos.
Most decisions are like hats. Try one and if you don’t like it, put it back and try another. The cost of a mistake is low, so move quickly and try a bunch of hats.
Some decisions are like haircuts. You can fix a bad one, but it won’t be quick and you might feel foolish for awhile. That said, don’t be scared of a bad haircut. Trying something new is usually a risk worth taking. If it doesn’t work out, by this time next year you will have moved on and so will everyone else.
A few decisions are like tattoos. Once you make them, you have to live with them. Some mistakes are irreversible. Maybe you’ll move on for a moment, but then you’ll glance in the mirror and be reminded of that choice all over again. Even years later, the decision leaves a mark. When you’re dealing with an irreversible choice, move slowly and think carefully.”
In reality, there are very few decisions in life that are like tattoos. Mistakes are fixable. Messes are cleanable. Failures are repairable. So, experiencing momentary embarrassment from trying something new is better than living a lifetime of regret. I refuse to be left dreaming about what could have been.
