Mentorship and Parenting - two sides of the same coin

I've been thinking a lot about mentorship and parenting lately. With my recent work experiences and the nostalgia of being in my childhood home, I can't help but see the similarities between the two.

At my previous institution, I mentored our post-graduate pharmacy trainees. The reason? Simply because I went through the same one-year residency program. They assumed I could serve as a valuable resource for new learners. While this sounded reasonable, I didn't know what a mentor should do. I couldn't confidently say I had experienced mentorship myself.

All I could do was use trial and error.

In my first year as a mentor, I approached it as I would treat a casual and hands-off friendship. "Holler if you need me" vibes, but let's meet monthly to check-in. It didn't work. Every time we met, it felt more like a formality with superficial conversations. My mentee rarely approached me for help and never asked to meet more. There was no real substance to the relationship. I ended that year feeling unsatisfied with my performance and a bitter taste in my mouth.

Starting the second academic year, I was once more asked to be a mentor. Honestly, my first thought was, "Again? But I completely failed last year." While this was true, it didn't mean I couldn't try again. I started fresh by seeking new perspectives on mentorship. After several hours of research, I carefully considered the flaws in my previous approach and how to have a more successful relationship with my second mentee.

Here are the three major principles that I found worked:

Balance between hands-on and hands-off

Give your mentee your thoughts with a grain of salt. My goal is to teach them how to think, not what to think, because they are and will grow to be independent practitioners. I won't always be around to tell them what to do. Give some pointers, but allow them to problem-solve, make mistakes, and learn.

Understand their goals & show interest in supporting them

Everyone has different passions, and if my mentee is interested in a subject I dislike, I do not need to express those opinions. Yucking their yum is not helpful to the conversation. Instead, I try to understand what aspects of the topic interest them and why. That way, I can provide applicable opportunities as they arise.

Be honest - knowledge is power

Hiding things is not helpful. Whether it be difficult-to-swallow feedback or realities about the workplace, your mentee is bound to discover the truth eventually. To be an effective mentor, you should have those honest conversations. It'll equip them for the challenges ahead and create a relationship of open dialogue.

Although these principles stemmed from my mentoring experience, they are also very applicable to parenting. It's funny. I was always bitter about being the oldest sibling when I was younger. I called myself the "experimental child." The one who received the brunt of mistakes from first-time parents.

Now that I'm older and have experienced failure as a mentor, I realize that mistakes are inevitable, especially in human relationships. Will I always feel bad for failing my first mentee? Possibly. Will parents always worry about making mistakes raising their children? Definitely. Will children always resent their parents for the mistakes they've made in raising them? Maybe.

But what this all boils down to is that we're all human, and we will make mistakes. Even when the stakes feel unbearably high, and you want beyond anything to perform perfectly. You will drop the ball. You won't be perfect. Hopefully, your mentee or child will one day see that you tried your best and find a way to forgive you - understanding that you're only human. Just like them.